secretss

Can I tell everyone that I fell into a cement mixer and died? Argh.

I really hate group projects. There are reports to submit next week (note the plural), plus another philosophy paper worth 30% of my final grade due at the same time.

Final exams are so much more welcomed compared to group work. At least nobody gets to get on my back except me.

From the draft I composed in my head just now, this post is going to be looooong. So go ahead, close this tab, draw an L*, or hit Ctrl+W. You know you don’t want to.

*(I use a mouse gestures add on and drawing an L with my right click closes the active tab).

All my thoughts are jumbled up coz I tend to jump from one paragraph to another (they’re not even in sequence), often without completing any paragraphs at all. It’s worse when I can’t remember how to start a paragraph (and that happens a lot). I remember the middle and the end, but for the life of me I can’t remember how to start!

Deep breath, and go!

I’m so in love with myself it’s scary, horrifying, and nauseating. It’s true. I’m like SO. completely engrossed in myself it’s like a disgusting disease. I like to take photos of myself. Sometimes. I delete about 90% of the photos because I look hideous in photographs. But occasionally when a semi-ok one comes out, I upload it to the computer and photoshop it. Can you tell that this is photoshopped? Ho Ho. I bet LH can tell straight away. She has the original photo! By the way you don’t have to tell me the teeth is overdone. I KNOW. They’re too darn bloody white. I shouldn’t have turned the brightness up so high. The profile picture on my Plurk page is also photoshopped. Nice right? I know. I love myself.

I’m kind of fed up with typing proper capitalisations all the time. i will stop. now. it’s a little sanctimonous (at least a tinge), like it gives you a license to feel you’re elite, a cut above the rest for typing in formal english all the time. ok, that’s not true for all. no, of course not.

i’m an elitist, by the way. and a honking big snob. if you haven’t realised that by now i don’t know where the hell you’ve been in my life. probably with your head up my ass.

ever felt really strongly that the phrase “i’m not myself” is totally a lie? i have. how strongly? let me prove it.

let M be the set that presents you. it represents everything that you say or do. suppose you said something outrageous. let it be m. hence,

m M

now suppose you make the claim “i’m sorry. i wasn’t being myself. it wasn’t me saying that”. assume that the claim is true. hence we can conclude that

m M’ where M’ represents the complement of M.

and there rises a contradiction because m M as earlier established. therefore, the claim cannot be true.

and who said algebra doesn’t rock.

i want to get married on March 14, 2015. and i’m serious. we’re going to have a π shaped cake, a blueberry pie dessert, completely circular tables and chairs, and the wedding will be held somewhere that can only be reached through PIE. i’ll graduate from nus in 2011, and, if luck would allow it, go overseas for my master’s degree and come back in 2013. it’s a bit rushed, i know. he doesn’t graduate until 2013, earliest. and if he’s aiming for double honours that may take him another year. he’s in a double degree program of computer science and applied mathematics, and if i’m not wrong, an honours degree comes attached to BComp. so it’s either no ddp, ddp with one honours, or ddp with two. yes, my darling is very smart. he is also quite geeky and he’s into gaming. and he loves me very much.

if at this point you still don’t realise that march 14, 2015 represents the numbers in π (=3.1415)…… hellokitty (from plurk) was the one who gave the idea of 2015. i only fixed the date =P eh, i’m serious about the date. >>>important>>> PROPOSE WITH BLUE ROSES PLEASE. <<

i want to ween myself off plurk. i do not see myself still on plurk next year. i've never been able to integrate extra things into my routine. i was interested in anime for three months, and i lost interest. then facebook for a while, and it too phased out of my life. plurk is a completely unnecessary addiction. i resolve to, slowly, quit my addiction. i don't know anybody there anyway, but I kind of like tstar. i don't really like being surrounded by people and feeling alone at the same time. gives me a sense of indigestion.

speaking of that, i have some happy news to deliver! (no, he didn't propose). hmm but i'm not sure if the people in question would like me doing so. i'll just say, LOVE IS IN THE AIR! (lol)

i hate being ignored, and i don't like having my inputs pooh-poohed. i don't need people to tell me my ideas rock or my points make sense or whatever. i don't need your validation. but being ignored is something that really cooks my goose. in fact, i'll take the pooh over being treated like a wallflower. nothing's worse than being a fly on the wall.

what? you don’t see the fly? that’s me =(

at least i get to fight back and defend myself, or maybe even laugh at myself and admit that i got owned. at least i’m not shut out of the action. see, this is another display of how much importance i’m putting on myself.

you get hurt when you let your emotions run outside.

for those who haven’t got introduced to plurk, it’s a microblogging, social networking site. click here for the wiki article, and here for the website. i’ve been on plurk since the end of january when brokenshardz showed me a lateral thinking game and i decided to sign up for the lolz. i got hooked for a while, and decided to lay off it sometime between february and march. then i returned, and got hooked again. for what it’s worth, i’m not going to provide my username and facilitate the search for my plurks. but it’s really easy to guess anyway. i should have used something like 小妹妹. now that’ll throw everybody off. *cough* if you do read my plurks, you may

1) feel sorry that you did
2) feel sorry that you knew a friend like me
3) feel sorry that you didn’t know me well enough to include that side of me

but you know what? don’t be, because i’m not myself on plurk.

HA. HA.

ok let me reveal the secretss. i’m quite normal and innocent and dormant on plurk actually. but sometimes i say some really TMI stuff. (too much information). like, i want a dungeon in my future house. right. doesn’t make much sense when it’s out of context.

are you still here? reading this? did you fast forward? or read from top through here? wow. you deserve a cookie!

you remember that quote above i quoted? i said that line. yeah i know it’s probably weird to quote yourself. so big headed, right? i think it’s a pity i’m not biologically equiped to screw myself. guys are. they have an anal hole and a penis. i bet there’s some sick pervertic dude somewhere in the world who screws himself all the time. maybe Jonah Falcon does it. i would make such a great lover. whipped cream and bdsm and all.

this post is really long. i don’t feel like proofreading it. sometimes when i proofread i look at some of the things i say in a different light and come to a conclusion that i shouldn’t say that or say it like that. this time i’m tired and i don’t really care.

let me end off with a (if i may say so) wise saying, courtesy of me (i bare no responsibility if you happen to see the same saying somewhere else. i thought of this purely from the genius of my mind):

life will always be complex when you have “i” in it.

ROFL. pun intended.

good night.

I saw this youtube video last year and didn’t think to blog about it. Embedding is disabled so please click on the link to view it, especially those who believe in personality tests and horoscopes, like me.

On a similar note, here’s an interesting article on the Forer effect:

Consider the following as if it were given to you as an evaluation of your personality.

You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself. While you have some personality weaknesses you are generally able to compensate for them. You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage. Disciplined and self-controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You also pride yourself as an independent thinker; and do not accept others’ statements without satisfactory proof. But you have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, and reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be rather unrealistic.

Does that sound like it describes you? Read more…

That are virgins; by major:

Read more…

Here too… Intercourse and Intelligence.

Taken from Jon_G’s plurk.

It’s just one college though, which someone said is all-girl (I didn’t verify). A lot of majors are missing, like Law, Medicine, Engineering, Business, Performing Arts, etc. I just want to say,

HAHAHAHAHA. Once again, Mathematics comes out at an extreme end. I am so proud of my major. <3.

V’s double degree-ing in Computer Science and Applied Mathematics. I wonder which side of the spectrum he’ll be at?

^{This was originally posted on Jan 28rd, and shifted to Feb 1 because I want my Jan calendar to be empty of posts.}

During a conversation with my mom recently, I mentioned that I have no idea how to get from NUS to my music school in Bukit Timah. She then asked if it wasn’t just two bus stops away from my piano teacher’s house, and that since I know how to get there, shouldn’t I also know how to get to the school? And so I explained that I’ve only ever traveled to my piano teacher’s house from my own house, and that this time my start point is at NUS, so it’s a — yes, this was really what I thought — different line integral.

Then another time, I was in a conversation about how Singaporeans tend to criticize other, bigger, countries for their lack in efficiency, development, and government, without considering that we are such a small island, and those are big countries. Would we have governed those big countries as well as they have? It was then that I thought, quite naturally, that good governing is not linearly related to the size of the country. A graph then popped into my head bearing a e^(-x+A) + B curve with domain C < x < D, where C is the minimum number of people required in an area to call it a distinct nation, and D is maximum.

A riddle I saw recently given by my friend started off with 三只小虫排成一线, and I immediately thought of y = mx + c.

Then yet another time, my mom was telling me that the new maid is really 一窍不通, and she explained that “窍” actually means “hole”, hence the idiom literally meaning something like, “没有洞，不能通”. And then I thought of this: Genus. The genus of an object (provided it satisfies certain criteria) is the number of – in layman terms – holes in it that you can thread a string through without disconnecting its manifold. Humans have a genus value of about 3 to 4, plus or minus if you pierce your ears.

This post will abruptly end here.

^{This was originally posted on Jan 23rd, and shifted to Feb 1 because I want my Jan calendar to be empty of posts.}

I was queuing up at the canteen today and this girl in front of me took her time to get her utensils and sauces. By the time she left, half of what I ordered was already on the counter. At that moment I wanted to tell her she could have prepared all her stuff while her food was being cooked.

But I didn’t. Because I’m just not that kind of person? Maybe because I’m a wimp.

Based on that, would you say my idea of a not-wimp is fundamentally wrong? Perhaps.

There are divas and bitches out there and they tell people off all the time and it doesn’t faze them. They seem so in control and they don’t let anybody change how they think of themselves. They’re the queens of their own kingdom.

Right now, in my current funk, I can appreciate the appeal of being an uber bitch.

I’m still in the process of figuring out what made me decide to experiment with the punk/goth look. Most of the reasons that I thought of seem more like an after thought, like a perk I noticed that might just keep me in this phase longer than otherwise.

I’ve always resented that I look more like a China citizen than other people do. A couple of people I met thought I wasn’t local and I can tell what they’re thinking. And frankly, I am fucking offended.

So today in MA3111 lecture a trio of China students sat in front of me and I’m sitting there thinking, yes, goth is good, you don’t see China students wearing black eyeliner, dark lipstick, and black nail polish.

That reminds me, I need mascara and a spiky wrist band.

One of the first thing I thought of was to confuse people. Call me stereotypical, when you see someone like I described above, you probably wouldn’t think the person is capable of saying “thanks” or “sorry” in a gentle way (personally, I would just expect a grunt of some sort. No offence to any goths out there). You also probably wouldn’t expect the person to take the initiative to pick up something you dropped (I don’t think I would anyway but that’s not the point). And you definitely wouldn’t expect the person to smile and laugh.

Lastly, and a little more disturbing I might add, it might be to distance myself from people. I want them to fear me and stay away and not talk to me, maybe because somewhere in the recesses of my subconscious I’m afraid they’ll find out they’d rather not talk to me.

It’s weird, coz that’s probably a totally unfounded fear. Or maybe not, coz I’m not that good at being interesting.

I’m still not sure if I’d be happier (or more “being myself”) being the cheerful, smile-y girl who greets everybody in her tutorial class (provided the class’s small enough) or the quiet girl with dark-rimmed eyes who smoulders in the corner.

I just took a mock SAT and scored 1880/2400:
Critical Reading: 630
Mathematics: 660
Writing: 590

I can’t make it into any of the Ivy League and top liberal arts colleges. Cornell University – which my brother went to for his second master’s – is out. It has a middle 50% range of 1330 – 1500 (based on the two-part SAT with a max score of 1600) and the break down of the three-part SAT scores shows Reading: 650 – 730, Math: 680 – 770, Writing: 630 – 720.

I can maybe squeeze into UC Berkeley; it has a range of 1200 – 1450, and the break down shows Reading: 580 – 710, Math: 620 – 740, Writing: 590 – 710, but my writing score sucks.

This is so depressing.

Before:

After:

I woke up this morning and the first thing I thought was, “OH MY GOD, I’ve been robbed!”.

It took me about 7 hours to tidy up. And that was just the study table side of the room. There’re still the book shelves, the CD rack (now stuffed with non CD items too), the wardrobe, and the vanity table. Oh god, the vanity table.

Went to Sentosa yesterday with the usual crew: Samantha, Sheng Yang, Joshua, Nicholas, Huimin and a new guy, Cher Siang, Huimin’s boyfriend. It was a pre-birthday get together for Sheng Yang.

Happy Birthday!

The day started off slowly. Sam picked me up at 8:40AM. The twins were sleepy (especially Joshua) and we ended up playing bridge. At sentosa. There were a few rounds of volleyball and frisbee and SY scrapped his knee (it bleed) and Samantha took care of it (so sweet). The volley ball went flat. The water was cold and we look 20 minutes just to get everybody in. But we still had a great time! Joshua’s shirt got lost in the sea I think. He never found it. (He probably didn’t care to go look for it.) Sam wore a bikini! I wore the pink halter thing I bought at Bella Kini.

At around 3 or so we got out to shower and change and went to Vivo for a bite (the dinner reservation at the restaurant was at 8:30PM). Then Huimin and Cher Siang turned up and Huimin look really nice in her LBD! With black wedge sandals too. We went back to Sam’s house so Sam and I could change into our dresses (for the dinner) and pick up the birthday cake which was kept at her house. Sam looked really nice in her LBD too! I was the only one not wearing a black dress =\. Her mom made my hair. It was very nice but I guess I’m just not into fancy hair-dos (read below). All in all, it was almost like another prom night. HAH.

We left for the restaurant to deposit the cake before we go to play pool until 8:30PM. My hair got messed up after the car ride and I took it down. I felt ridiculous, to tell the truth. We had a present exchange (randomized by first assigning numbers to each person and then taking turns to pick numbers from a bag) among the seven of us, and I got a Hong Kong Disneyland Donald Duck key chain from Nicky. Cute eh? =D

The dinner was a seven-course meal. Seven! I think we were already full by the time the Grilled Mushroom arrived. Oh SHIT. I forgot to take a photo of the menu!! Oh, wait, never mind, it’s here. We got a whole room to ourselves!

Sam tried to get everybody to order different items for the main course so we could sample all the dishes. We tried to fix down who would order what, but it seemed like it wouldn’t work out, as there were talks of ordering two of the same thing (the sting ray), and other issues. Interestingly enough, when it came down to it and the waiter came to take our orders, we all did order seven different items, none of which were what we originally tried to fix down. In order of seating arrangement – Nicky ordered the lamb, Sheng Yang: the chicken, Joshua: the pork back ribs, Cher Siang: the snapper, Huimin: the prawns, Samantha: the sting ray, and I took the fish. Only the steak was left out. I took individual shots of the dishes with SY’s camera, I’ll try to get them from him soon.

I had to leave prematurely though, since I had to get back before my curfew (mom’s going to put a padlock on the door at 11:30pm so I won’t be able to enter after that time). I left my stuff with Sam in her car as it was pretty inconvenient to get it from the car. I didn’t get to try their creme brulee =(. I saw the cake! Gotta get the pics from SY. It’s a bowl of noodles, with eggs and veggies in it complete with a pair of chopsticks and a spoon besides the bowl (all edible).

Whew. It’s been a whirlwind of a week ever since I got back from Malaysia on the 13th. There were preparations to make and things to buy (but of course not as much as Sam had to do), and a bunch of other non-party related business mixed in within. Tired!