secretss

I got into a car accident on Friday morning. It was entirely my fault. I swerved and hit an MPV, smashed headlong into the back of a lorry, got spun around and finally stopped in the middle of lanes 2 and 3, facing the wrong way.

No lives were lost, no broken bones or bleeding on any involved parties.

Vincent came over last night. Hui Qing, Samantha, Raymond, and Sheng Yang just dropped by two hours ago. I am very touched. The person I want to thank most is Li Huan, for many many reasons that I will not mention here. I don’t wish to talk more about the accident; thought I’ll just post an update about it.

I am ashamed of myself and so very sorry.

Pour a 3/4 cup of refrigerated Dutch Lady’s fresh milk. Add a peach and mango tea bag. Mmm.

In other news, I’m about to declare bankruptcy and impose a term-long grounding on myself. There’s something about the start of an academic year that makes me want to turn into a Hermione clone. And anyway, I’ve spent way too much recently already. Three shopping sprees in a month! Thank goodness for tuition.

We went back to PS yesterday and bought these:

Surprised? Yeah, I am too. Although I said I’ll never dare to wear something red, this isn’t really my first red apparel; it’s my third. First one was when I was in primary school, it was a dress, and I loved it (and still do). I’ll probably wear the white one as a halter bra instead >.< I bought the yellow top on Monday. It’s another one nobody would think I would wear (this one is because it’s yellow).

He brought me to Absolute Haven! Omigosh. I didn’t think he remembered I ever mentioned I want to go there, but he did, he researched the route, and he brought me there =D But it was closed at that time =( So we went to The Cathay for my mango prawns:

The one on the right is the mango prawn. We saw those two mannequins in a shop there and I went omg~~. We dabao’ed the dianxin and walked back to PS and had LJS for dinner:

It’s the buddy meal for 4. 4 fish, 4 chicken, 4 shrimps, 2 fries, 2 coleslaw, and a 1.5L bottle of cherryade. The food wasn’t very fresh though so we weren’t able to finish everything. The first time we ordered that we did! Well, except the drink.

We also made a stop at the arcade in Dhoby Ghaut =D. I think I blew almost half the credits in my card on Time Crisis 4. It was the first time I ever got to Stage 2 without Sam playing with me!! Cool! We played Daytona, Bishi Bashi, Photohunt, and the basketball game too. I wanted to play one of the shoot ‘em ups but couldn’t find one.

That’s the bag and accessory I bought from Miss Whatever on Monday. I wanted to pin the accessory on the bag, but there wasn’t a suitable spot, and in any case it would have looked pretty odd next to the pink and blue hearts. From the left, the 3 pendants are: a skull-and-crossbones, a black star-shaped dough-cutter (which just means it’s a star with a hole in the center and not a solid star), and a bronze hexagonal star with U.S. Marshal written on it.

YES! More Star Wars!

Remaining things to do:

• upload the photos of Li Huan and myself (and that would be a major first occurence)
• beef up my letter to LTA and upload it

Did anybody realise that when you pay for your food at restaurants, the total charge is not menu price * 1.17 ? You’d think the surcharge would be service charge 10% + GST 7% = 17% giving you the previous formula but according to Jon, it’s actually menu price * 1.10 * 1.07 giving you menu price * 1.177.

Of course, most people I know wouldn’t be too bugged about the 0.007, but it bugs me that the government has to levy a tax on my waiter’s service. Wtf do they need a tax for that for? I only found out about this when Jon mentioned it. In his words, “govt taxes on amt collected, and the 10% is part of the amt collected”.

Hui Qing, Samanatha, and I went to Breeks for dinner on Sunday! And Breeks is the reason I found out I love (eating) dory fishes =D The top two were Sam’s, and the last two were HQ’s. Using that as an example, you can tell that Sam’s portion = $20.70 * 1.177 = $24.36 and HQ’s portion = $12 * 1.177 = $14.12 and mine = $27.20 * 1.177 = $32.01 (yes, shut up, I know what you’re thinking). Total = $24.36 + $14.12 + $32.01 = $70.49. Whereas if you used 1.17: total = $70.08.

My mom’s car’s bumper fell off! And that’s why I had to get up at 6:45am today to take the train and bus to school and thank goodness Li Huan was so nice to get up at that unearthly hour to commute with me even though she had no lessons. Isn’t she the bestest xD *muacks*.

Well, so, the bumper and something else at the bottom of the front of the car fell off (and the something else was dragging on the road) just when I was about to turn into Queensway after leaving school at 9:20pm on Friday. I feel so lucky it fell off when it did because I don’t think there were any other stretch of roads on my way home that had a shoulder for me to stop at. I managed to shove the bumper and something else back onto the car (and it never fell off again the rest of the way home =D) but obviously I’m no car mechanic so my mom took it to the repair shop anyway. It’s now back in the carpark safely ensconced between a light turquoise MPV who is our primary competitor for that corner lot and a black Nissan.

This is my weekly schedule for the rest of my semester:

The module codes stand for revision of the respective module, and HW simply means the requisite homework. The m, f, th, and f besides the revision ticks stand for which day’s lecture I’m revising for. For example, I’m supposed to revise Monday’s MA1104 lecture and last Friday’s MA3110 lecture on Monday after school. The asterisk besides Friday’s HW tick means I’m gonna have to do that homework in school during my lunch and dinner breaks because Friday is just too exhausting for me to do anything when I reach home.

Looks like I have no free day, and I am perfectly happy about it.

Today was great! I had a nice early morning MA3264 tutorial at 9am with just 4 other classmates: Sheryl, Lester, Viona, and that other guy I didn’t manage to talk to but I think Prof Lawton called him Mohammad. They are all 3rd Years!! Well, except Sheryl. We were freaking out in a corner about being 2nd Years in a 3rd Year dominated module T.T And then it was a mad dash from S16 to LT22 and turns out Lester takes MA1104 too. (Well, not dash exactly, I wouldn’t dash for anything, that’s so unglam.)

MA1104 was boring and I lost any inclination to pay attention anymore. GEK1519 tutorial rolled around and it was in a computer lab so…. Then I spent almost the entire hour fussing about how the bloody computer (IE6) couldn’t execute my javascript! I tried installing IE7 but admin premission was needed, and installation of Maxthon failed too.

http://axeile.com/secretss

I had written out all the necessary Maple code for MA1104 lab worksheet 1 so that I can breeze in and out of the room in under ten minutes. Turns out the one hour spent typing out the Maple code and integrating it into html and adding the “copy to clipboard” javascript was for naught since the NUS computers are so lousy. I spent twenty minutes just to find out that the <script></script> tags aren’t needed to save an external .js file. Pah! And don’t tell me to enable javascript because I did.

I just added another script I found on DynamicDrive that copies any text you highlight. It’s supposed to work for IE4+ so it bloody well work tomorrow during my lab class =S.

Then I met Jon for lunch but the fish wasn’t very nice =( Did I mention I love dories? Dories! And catfish too. But no love for salmon. Had a nice lunch though, on the whole =D.

After school I met up with Li Huan and we went to PS! Finally! We had Carl’s Junior for dinner and I bought the Beer Battered Fish from Chippy which I think was nicer than the Bacon Swiss Chicken thingy from Carl’s. Hah. I bought two shirts from Giordano: $40. A skirt from The Box: $15, a shirt from Fox: $30, a sling bag, two bag accessories, a shirt and two sets of hair bands from Miss Whatever: $99.20, assorted food: $14.

Total: $198.20

OMFG.

I’m going to list a few New School Year Resolutions!

Sounds weird, eh, but what isn’t?

#1 I will resolve to NOT wear black all the time. Yes, I have come to the realisation that resisting colorful things does not do my mental health any good (I used to hate colors because they were too cheerful). Plus, my mom’s complaining that I seem to be mourning all the time =S (that’s like cursing her). So I’m going to incorporate some pink into my wardrobe. Yes, pink. Funny how my mind jumps to pink the moment I think of adding a new color. I think pink clothes are nice. Blue don’t make nice clothes. I still don’t really like yellow clothes all that much (too cheery/sunny). I vehemently dislike green in everything. And purple clothes look just as weird as blue ones. Red clothes rock my socks though, I simply love seeing mannequins wearing red clothes, but for the life of me I’ll never have the guts to carry off something red. So pink it is. Pink is sweet. Demure. Unassuming. HAHAHAHAH, the irony.

#2 I will resolve to pay attention in class. Seems like a completely useless resolution, doesn’t it, since I was born without an attention module (it’s not even just faulty, it’s non-existent) in my program. But I will try my best not to start doodling on my notes. I think I have a list of crushes written somewhere on my GEK1517 notes.

#3 I will resolve to NOT bring my laptop to school everyday. I will definitely not bring it on Mondays and Thursdays, but I can’t guarantee Tuesdays and Fridays. MA3110 is on on those days and I doubt I can resist the urge to bring my laptop along. MA3110 is like super, super, super boring. It’s not boring because it’s difficult, like MA3238 is, but it’s boring because, well, it’s boring. Oh, and it is difficult too, you know, considering I took the prequel module in a four-month-long dream state without a harddrive. My foundation is as solid as the milky white foam on top of a cup of Starbucks latte. I brought my laptop to school everyday for the last semester, and look where that semester found me. Straight Bs. I might have avoided a C for Probability last semester but for all the struggling and floundering I’m doing in MA3238 one might very well think I have never taken Probability at all in my whole life.

#4 I will resolve to be less hostile and to smile more. Yes, even to strangers. I think I’ve unwittingly followed this resolution quite well this semester. Twice I’ve been approached in MA3110 by people who are unsure if they’re in the right venue. And twice I’ve answered cheerily and smiled. Without meaning to. A second later as they turned away I frowned at myself wondering why the heck did Ms Smiley-I’m-So-Happy-To-Answer-You suddenly take over my body. Well, I guess it doesn’t hurt. I sort of remember I used to be this happy once upon a happier time.

#5 I will resolve to keep in touch with my friends and not let my mood swings get in the way of communicating. I know now that friends mean a lot to me, they bring something very important to my life, something indescribable, intangible, an almost ethereal substance, that is fundamental to my being. It is patent from the fact that I’ve changed promptly upon stepping into NUS, alone, moving away from the only life I’ve known. Friends have been what have kept me going on, they have kept me smiling, kept me alive. One of the reasons I faltered at the beginning of this year was because I withdrew into myself, and allowed part of myself to wither and die. There were times I thought I was one of those people who didn’t need friends, one who could survive as a dissociative entity detached from manifestations of camaraderie, and if friends were going to happen, they happened, nothing more. I was wrong. Even Luna Lovegood needs friends. So a BIG HUG to all of my friends!

I don’t know what I’m living for..

No, I’m not suicidal, that’s not to say I want to stop living. Merely musing that maybe, I wouldn’t be too bummed out if Death shows up right now and tells me my time’s up.

I’m envious of other people, those lucky enough to know what they want without having to really think about it. They have their lives laid out in front of them with flashing lights like a runway. Look at Miley Cyrus, Jodie Rivera, and Jeremiah Ong. They have so much vigour in them, so much to give, so much talent and drive; they embrace life with such passion and zest. They’re so good at what they do, blessed that they knew what they were meant to do so early in life. Ong started at 14, Rivera at 8, and Cyrus is only 15 now.

I look at myself and I feel like a loser. I play the piano, but I have no musical talent. I’m a Math major, but I’m no good at it. I spend 90% of my waking time with my laptop, but I know next to nothing about IT. I used to love science and wanted to become a scientist because that means I’ll remain a student forever, with the Universe as my teacher, but somehow or other life began to erode that part of me. Any desire to live a life, or to make something out of my life, is rapidly dying away, choked and suffocated by something, I don’t know what.

I became passive, languid, and apathetic. A little gloomier, perhaps, a lot more clammed up, and significantly more hostile, although I blame the hostility entirely on my driver’s license.

I also seem to have lost some of my ability to converse with people. My expressions are vacant, words trite and forced, and sometimes I start to ramble unnaturally. I’ve developed a fear of potentially having nothing to say to a friend during a date.

I miss my friends. I miss the times when there was never a moment of silence between 7:30am to 2pm, Mondays to Fridays.

University life is so different.

You are so alone.

The buzz and chatter that go on around you press in on your ears like a surgical probe, taunting you, mocking your loneliness and sealing your friendless doom with vicious delight and raucous laughter.

I think about my future and all I see is a black hole. An infinite plane of unrelenting darkness driving mercilessly into my mind.

Escapism.

It’s become my religion.

There is just nothing to life for. Except bad decisions, misfortune, wrong turns, and death. Sure, there’re still two Harry Potter movies unreleased. Sure, I haven’t returned to Plaza Singapura to shop at Miss Whatever. Sure, that if I die now I’ll die a virgin. But honestly, none of them matter.

When the plans you make can be dismissed so easily by Death, what kind of plans are they? It says something that I can’t think of a to-do item that I want to postpone Death for.

University life will, figuratively and literally, be the death of the person once known as Xiao Ling.

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Geez I am such a mess! I totally forgot the names of my previous teachers last semester. Except for Jeremy. He was cute xD. And then when I found their names on the NUS website I got Prof Ma and Prof Lee mixed up with the modules they taught. I couldn’t remember ST1131’s lecturer at all, but that’s because I only attended 3 lectures for the whole semester. I’m not even going to care about my tutors. I’ve never known their names in the first place >.> I don’t remember any of my tutorial time slots. Omg!

Looking back on last semester I think I was in a perpetual dream zone for the whole four months =S.

First week of school and I’m already zoning out during lectures. I just took a look at the first tutorial of MA1104 and I went OMG! Sigh… Prof Zhou removed the Friday tutorial slot! Dammit. Now I have to stay back an additional three hours on even Mondays!

Thursday looks nice doesn’t it? ^^, But that’s where I fit my piano lesson and tuition.

28 August! Who’s up for The Clone Wars? =D

I look forward to the day I get to have a Harry Potter movie marathon =D From Philosopher’s Stone to Deathly Hallows. That’s one more movie than a Star Wars movie marathon! (which I tried but failed at three movies but I will attempt again) I’ve had a Matrix marathon before but it’s been a long time since. I don’t think I’ve had a Lord of the Rings marathon. That would be nearing nine hours for a trilogy >.>

Imagine a Sailor Moon marathon.

No no. A Doraemon marathon. 1049 episodes and counting and nobody seems to have the full set.

Today marks the first time I ate a sandwich with the veggies in it. I finished every bite! Veggies and cucumber and tomato and all. And I can truthfully say that that was the single most horrible part of my day. Even being sick and sniffing and coughing are better than forcing the icky stuff into my mouth and chewing them. I nearly gagged yesterday’s dinner out.

I think this calls for a reward, eh? So Karma, how about making me healthy again?

I wish I can magically poof up a friend to have lunch with =(.

We watched Red Cliff yesterday! And it’s nice! Although I bet it wouldn’t be half as nice if I didn’t have a running commentary courtesy of SF. Who knew he was so well-read about the Romance of the Three Kingdoms. I can’t wait for the sequel! xD

I am sick! Ill! Unwell! Unhealthy! Ugh. Just when school starts and I fall sick. Horrible horrible feeling. And I wanted to go shopping at Plaza Singapura today after school (I only have one lecture today from 10am to 12noon). Looks like I won’t be going shopping today =(

We watched The Dark Knight too! I don’t see the critically acclaimed performance from Heath Ledger. Mephf. Not that Ledger wasn’t good, I think he was great, but not that much especially so as reported by the critics. I think Johnny Depp would be as good a Joker as he was. Bale looked kind of dashing =P

About that blasted ice lemon tea, I spilled it on my skirt yesterday and had to get a new outfit. Grr. I’m never getting ice lemon tea from GV again. I don’t think I love my replacement outfit as much as I love the subsequent clothes that I bought. I still miss the $65 black miniskirt from Roxy =(. Didn’t get it in the end.

I actually had a dream some time ago where I was buying lots and lots of clothes without a care. And the freaky thing was all the clothes were girly, fluffy, lacy, yellow, pink, and flowy.

Lesson is almost ending!

A little late for this (I haven’t been checking xkcd for a while now) but this one is just great. I actually lol’ed.

// Update at 3:15pm: 

Damn man, Firelord Ozai is Luke Skywalker! Wow.

Hamill looks kinda washed out at 56.

Well, if he wasn’t a Jedi I wouldn’t have liked him anyway.

Edit: I just rewatched Star Wars Episode IV, V, and VI and frankly, I only like Luke in Episode VI =\.

I love that all-black Jedi suit.